


305

by jcreaus



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Torture, also yes i came up with this idea based on a shawn mendes song, but it isnt like the song at all, do i call this fluff or angst?, henry is mentioned but just to add to the story, ignore the canon timeline of the show, whatever it is i hope you enjoy!, you'll know what i mean when you read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jcreaus/pseuds/jcreaus
Summary: emily has a nightmare, and jj is there to talk her through it.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 11
Kudos: 72





	305

**305**

_“Stop!”_

_Emily was chasing after their latest unsub, Richard Benz, and she was finally closing in on him. The team had spent the last four days in New York City tracking down a guy that kidnapped blonde women after they dropped their children off at daycare. She was taking this case personally, and it was obvious to everyone, but how couldn’t she?_

_The last victim was in her early thirties, had long, flowing blonde hair, blue eyes, and a daughter around Henry’s age. They all saw JJ in that woman, but it was different for Emily. She loved her._

_The entire team had been very understanding of how emotional she was being, especially Hotch. He trusted Emily to not let her emotions get the best of her, and so far, she had done an excellent job._

_But now she was following this man, and at this point, her legs were moving without her even telling them to. They had found Benz in his childhood home, but he took off running as soon as their sirens wailed when they pulled up to the house. They knew he had his own home about a mile away, so when he started running, Emily didn’t even bother getting in the SUV with Morgan and Rossi. She just ran._

_Through her earpiece, she heard Spencer say that they didn’t find the latest victim, Alexis, anywhere in the house. All of the other victims had fragments of insulation in their hair, so the team had profiled that they were being kept in an attic or unfinished basement, either in Benz’s home or the home he grew up in. Because he wasn’t keeping the victims in his childhood home, Emily hoped to god that wherever they were running to, would be where Alexis was being held._

_They were running through a field of grass when a small white house with a wraparound porch came into view, which looked identical to a picture Penelope had shown them of Benz’s house earlier that day. It was in a secluded area, like they had profiled, and Emily could just barely make out a small window near the roof that most likely led to an attic. She picked up speed, but Benz was faster._

_“Richard Benz, stop!” She tried again as he climbed onto the porch. She slowed her pace a few feet in front of the house and held her gun up, but Benz pushed through the front door and climbed the staircase that was on the other side._

_Emily kept her gun in her right hand and went into the house, climbing the stairs two at a time. She could hardly breathe after running the entire way there, but that didn’t matter right now. She heard the sound of wood hitting wood, like a door being slammed open and hitting the wall behind it. A scream came immediately after._

_Alexis was still alive._

_Once on the second floor, Emily held her gun up again. She made her way through the hallway, but stopped when she saw a ladder hanging down from the ceiling. Their profile had been right about Benz keeping his victims in an attic._

_“FBI!” Emily said loud enough for Benz to hear. She knew he had the upper hand here, but she didn’t care. She climbed the ladder, prepared for him to start shooting as soon as her black hair was visible to him._

_But he didn’t._

_She made it to the top and stood in the attic, ducking her head slightly because of how low the ceiling was. Richard Benz stood with a blonde woman wrapped in his arms, his knife probably up to her throat. Emily couldn’t see how he was holding her, however, because he was turned away from her. He was looking through the circular window that Emily had seen while they were running toward the house. She couldn’t see what was out there, but the red and blue lights that flashed on the uncovered insulation in the wall told her it was the rest of her team and some of the local police._

_Morgan would be up here soon, she thought. Until then, she was on her own._

_“Richard Benz, drop your weapon and turn around,” Emily said calmly. Her gun was up, both of her hands holding onto it firmly._

_He took one step to the side and another step backwards, turning slowly to face Emily._

_The flashing lights reflected in Alexis’ blonde hair, and Emily watched intently as Benz turned around, never loosening his grip on her. The team had profiled that he wouldn’t give Alexis up easily, so if he did have a weapon to her throat, the moments to come did not look good for any of them._

_He took another small step, this time revealing the sharp knife in his right hand that was pressed firmly against the victim’s throat. A smirk spread on his face and he began to laugh._

_Emily furrowed her eyebrows, confused about how he was so calm when he had just been caught. Her eyes flickered from his mischievous black eyes to the woman in his arms. Emily froze._

_JJ._

_How was that possible?_

_She was in an SUV coming from the police station, wasn’t she?_

_“Emily,” the blonde choked out. Her eyes were filled with tears and her face was covered in dirt and dried blood, presumably from countless days of torture._

_“No.”_

_“I win,” Benz smiled again, this time revealing his brown teeth._

_“No,” Emily’s arms trembled as she tried helplessly to keep her gun pointed at Benz, “this can’t be the end.”_

-

Emily’s eyes shot open. It took her a moment to get her bearings, but once she did, she squeezed her eyes shut again, desperate to get rid of the image of a bloodied JJ in the hands of the most recent serial killer their team had hunted down and arrested.

She turned her head away from the middle of the bed and reopened her eyes. They landed on the small alarm clock on the bedside table.

3:05am.

Again?

This was the third night in a row that she has had the same nightmare. It always followed the events of their most recent case, but at the end, JJ was in the arms of the unsub, days of torture and abuse plastered on her face and all over her body.

Needless to say, she hated it.

Emily knew she was going to have to talk about it at some point. The thought of losing her girlfriend to an unsub was clearly a fear of hers, but she was much better at compartmentalizing than dealing with her thoughts and emotions.

Maybe she’ll talk about it tomorrow.

All she knew was that right now, falling back asleep was pointless. She needed some air. And a cigarette.

Emily was about to roll off of the bed when she realized a weight was holding her arm in place. She turned her head back towards the middle of the bed, and came face-to-face with a peacefully asleep JJ.

One of JJ’s hands was sandwiched between her cheek and the pillow, almost like another pillow, and her other hand was resting limply at her side. Her head was at the edge of her pillow, so she was practically laying in the middle of the queen-sized bed.

Emily’s face was centimeters away from JJ’s. She smiled to herself, glad to see her girlfriend lying next to her without a black eye or with a knife to her throat. Her quickly beating heart slowed a little at the sight, but still, she couldn’t shake the image of Richard Benz holding onto JJ like he had been in her dream.

Emily laid like that for a few minutes, delaying the moment when she would have to rip her arm out from underneath JJ and risk waking her up. She examined every inch of the younger girl’s face, their close proximity allowing her to make out every individual eyelash and freckle. She noticed JJ’s slightly parted soft lips and the small crease in her forehead that the girl only got when she was upset or in a deep sleep.

She was certain that JJ was the most beautiful woman in the world.

But images from her nightmare kept popping into her mind. Emily needed air, which meant she had to remove her arm from underneath JJ.

She pulled it out from under her girlfriend’s torso as slowly as she could. Emily knew the woman had learned to become a light sleeper after years of taking phone calls from Hotch in the middle of the night, so the brunette was certain that this was a lost cause. She continued pulling though, and soon enough, her arm was free.

Emily untangled herself from the sheets as quietly as she could, and shifted her weight so she got off of the bed without making the bedframe squeak. It was known to do that.

Her bare feet hit the wooden floor, and she shivered once she realized how cold it was in their apartment. She glanced out of the window and noticed the small snowflakes falling from the sky. No wonder it was so cold.

Emily stepped into the slippers that she kept by the door of their bedroom and pulled one of JJ’s cardigans out from their dresser. She put it on quickly, and made her way into the living room.

Their apartment had a large balcony, which could be accessed from sliding glass doors in the bedroom and the living room. Emily chose to use the door in the living room, knowing that the sliding door in their bedroom desperately needed to be oiled.

She slid the door open as quietly as she could and slipped onto the metal balcony. There were two chairs tucked into the corner by the other glass door, as well as a small table, a pack of cigarettes, and a black ashtray.

Emily sat down on the chair closest to the railing, which allowed the cool breeze to hit her cheeks just enough to send a light shiver down her spine. She opened the pack of cigarettes and pulled one out, placing it gently between her lips before lighting it. She was lucky the curtains in their bedroom were closed because if JJ woke up and saw her smoking, she would probably come outside and ask her to talk about whatever was bothering her.

She loved that JJ knew when something was wrong just by looking at her, but right now, she absolutely did not want to talk about that nightmare. Emily hated how high the chances were of it becoming a reality because of their job, but that’s when she reminded herself that she was trained in situations like those. She had the skills and intellect to save JJ if anything like that ever happened. That helped calm her nerves a bit.

Or was it the cigarette?

Emily used her middle and ring fingers to remove the cigarette from her lips and she let out a long breath, the mixture of smoke and her warm breath hitting the cold air forming a cloud in front of her face. She closed her eyes, hoping that a much more pleasant image of JJ would appear behind her eyelids.

“Can I sit?”

Emily would’ve been scared out of her mind if the voice that the question came from didn’t belong to the only person in the world that could calm her down during the absolute worst times.

JJ.

Her eyes fluttered opened and she looked up at the blonde standing in front of her. The corners of her mouth quirked up into a small smile and she gestured toward the chair next to her with the fingers that were holding the cigarette.

Emily raised the cigarette to her mouth again, but this time, JJ took in from her. She thought she was going to get lectured for smoking her anxiety away, but instead, the blonde placed the cigarette between her lips and inhaled. She blew the smoke out and handed it back to Emily.

Emily raised her eyebrows at her girlfriend, who shrugged in response. She smiled again and decided to put out the cigarette in the ashtray between them. She leaned back in her chair and looked up at the stars, hoping it would stay quiet between them for a few more moments. She wasn’t ready to talk yet.

JJ must have sensed that because she took one glance at Emily and decided not to push her. She leaned back in her chair so she was sitting the same way that Emily was, and the two of them sat silently, looking up at the stars together.

Neither of them moved for a few minutes. They remained in their lounging positions, gazing up at the sky. But when JJ spoke, it didn’t surprise Emily. She knew it was coming sooner or later, so she was grateful for the few moments of silence she had been granted.

“Another one?”

“They won’t stop.”

Emily leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and burying her face in her hands. She felt JJ’s warm hand rest on her back, and she melted into the touch. She was there and she was safe.

“Emily,” the blonde whispered, “we need to talk about this.” The sentence itself was demanding, but her voice was gentle and calm. She knew her tone would soothe Emily, and that’s exactly what it did.

A loud sigh escaped Emily’s lips and she sat back up, carefully turning the chair so that it faced JJ. She sat upright, but leaned her back against the chair again. She crossed her arms over her chest and put one leg over the other, an indication that she was mentally putting walls up.

JJ knew better, though, so she reached for Emily’s hands and gently wrapped them in hers. She leaned forward, placing their entangled hands on Emily’s thigh. JJ looked deeply into the brunette’s eyes, and her features softened the moment she looked back. They had always been able to communicate through glances, and this one said, “you can trust me with this.”

“They always start with us going to Orlando to find Richard Benz,” she broke eye contact. JJ’s bright blue eyes were sometimes too kind for her. Emily had only ever known pain, and even after dating JJ for years, sometimes her soft touches and gentle words were too much for her.

JJ squeezed her hands carefully, hoping that it would usher Emily to continue.

“All of the victims look like you. They have a child around the same age as Henry, they have the same physical build as you, their hair and eye color-”

Tears began to form in her eyes, and JJ took that as a sign to interrupt. They had recounted the case multiple times since they closed it because of how hard it had been on Emily. With every chance she got, JJ reminded Emily that she was safe. Apparently Benz’s victimology was still bothering Emily, though, and the blonde knew she needed to talk her through it again.

“Emily,” she inched closer to her face, hoping that if she got Emily to look at her, she would be able to see that she was okay.

“I know,” Emily said sternly, which was not what she had intended. She was mad at herself for still being bothered by a case they had closed a week ago, and she was even more upset that she had to bring the whole thing up to JJ again. Surely it had scared her too, knowing that all of the victims lived almost the same life as her, so Emily hated that she had to keep reminding JJ of the reality of their job.

Emily explained the entire case in detail, almost like clockwork. She started at the beginning when Penelope presented the case to them at the round table, and then moved on to when Hotch pulled her aside before they boarded the plane to ask her if she thought she could handle this case without taking it personally. She had said yes, of course, but her and Hotch both knew the risks. He made sure to not partner Emily and JJ up when he was assigning tasks on the jet, and everyone on the team took note of that.

She told JJ everything from her perspective without missing a single beat. Her nightmare was exactly how it had played out in real life, with her running after Benz when he took off in the direction of his house. When he barged through the front door and climbed the stairs, to the scream Emily heard, all the way to when she climbed the ladder and he turned around to reveal a knife to the victim’s throat.

Emily stopped just before she got to the part when Benz turned around and he revealed that JJ had been held captive, rather than Alexis. She pulled her hands back and squeezed her eyes shut, the intensity of the image in her head almost too much to bear.

JJ saw Emily’s body tense up and realized that what had happened in that attic would probably affect her girlfriend for years to come. She knew that Alexis had hair identical to hers, so seeing Benz holding a blonde with bloodied hair probably made it hard for her to see anyone else _but_ her. She didn’t know that Emily had dreamed it actually _was_ her.

“It’s okay,” JJ said barely above a whisper, not wanting to startle Emily. “I’m safe, and so is Alexis.”

“It was you.”

She kept her eyes closed and her eyebrows stitched together. A few tears fell as she squeezed her eyes tighter, and that’s when she felt a warm hand on her cheek.

“Emily look at me.”

Her voice was firm, and Emily knew that it was important that she did as she was told. She slowly opened her eyes and found glistening blue eyes staring back at her.

“I’m safe,” JJ reiterated. “I’m here, with you, and I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

JJ’s other hand made its way to Emily’s face, and soon enough, both of JJ’s hands were holding her in place.

Grounding her.

Emily hesitated, taking the moment to look over every inch of JJ’s face, just to make sure that she was real, and she was there. She nodded as another tear fell onto her cheek. It caught in JJ’s hand, and the blonde used her index finger to wipe it away.

That small movement from JJ was enough for Emily to realize that she was okay. And she always would be.

“Let’s go to bed,” Emily mumbled.

JJ placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before standing up and taking Emily’s hand in her own. She led them back inside and into their bedroom, and for the first time in a week, Emily slept through the rest of the night without having a nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! 
> 
> let me know what you think! leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr (@jcreaus)
> 
> have a good day/night :)


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